Tuesday 1 April 2008

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBB

Impossible, Adolf Dassler (and the innumerable celebrities endorsing his products) would have me believe, is nothing. Day in and day out, hitherto unconquered peaks are scaled, and new ones are discovered which, in time, will meet the same fate. At another level, everyone around us seems to be on a perennial mission to shatter every existing notion or opinion related to them, however remotely so. In the twelve hours that preceded (and inspired) this post, The Bulk had fewer naans than me, the Bihari Potter lost his temper, I stumbled upon a Nirvana song that actually made sense (it was 'Sliver', for those of you who care), and, in the biggest shock of them all, the iPot said something intelligent (just for the record, he said that I was a genius). Miracles, it seems, shall never cease. The ‘impossible’ seems to have a habit of failing to live up to its name.

‘Once bitten, twice sorry’ is one of the more popular of the dime-a-dozen fancy kibitzes you dish out to any freshie willing to endure your free advice out of fear or, on the odd occasion, genuine interest. Practising it, tough, is a different ball game altogether- one I'm particularly lousy at. Ten years ago, I watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and swore never to watch another Bollywood movie ever in my life again. Trust me, those were the twenty happiest days of my life. The oath was broken, and a couple of hours later, my hope that Bollywood might, at least by accident, come up with something decent met the same fate. Mast, Hello Brother, Karan Arjun, Kaho Na Pyaar Hai, K3G, Om Shanti Om and a dozen other movies have all been followed by fugacious vows to the same effect. In spite of the aforementioned bilge, somehow, time and again I muster the courage to attempt to endure more of the zilch that comes out of our tinsel-town. Yesterday, another entry was made to the long list above- Race.

I had to watch Pulp Fiction thrice to grasp what Quentin Tarantino was trying to tell me. It was the same with ‘The Butterfly Effect.’ But after understanding the underlying message, you are left with a feeling that it was worth all the effort. Race, presumably, is Bollywood’s answer to Pulp Fiction. Minus the satisfaction of course. Fpr one thing, the film has more twists than dialogues. Bipasha Basu, we’re initially told, is Akshay(e?) Khanna’s love interest. Five minutes later, she is shown coochie-cooing with Saif. Twenty minutes later, she sings a duet with Akshay. Couple this with the fact that there are six lead characters in the movie and you’ll understand why, at the end of the movie, I could barely spell my own name right.

Why did I start off with all that gibberish on the ‘impossible’, you ask? Race, too, achieved something incredible. It made me (and there’s no way I can understate the emphasis on the ‘me’) hate a movie that had both Katrina Kaif and Sameera Reddy in it. Before dismissing this post as another of my nonsensical, inebriated dawdles, look closer, dear reader. By narrating two seemingly irrelevant anecdotes and linking (or at least trying to) them with an absurd, virtually non-existent connection, (the genius that I am) I have made you realize exactly how you would feel after watching Race. Did someone say a picture was worth a thousand words?

P.S: Don’t pay much attention to the title. I’ve been working on TeChase a tad too long.
P.P.S: For the lesser-informed of my readers, TeChase was an online quiz that had questions ranging from the lame (Decipher, ‘River IIIIIOOOIIOOOOIOOOO’.) to the ultra-lame (Connect almonds and the phrase, ‘I love EVERY SONG you SING’).
P.P.P.S: Just for the record, I finished first.
P.P.P.P.S: Modesty is my middle name.

10 comments:

Saagar said...

You think you've seen the worst? Try Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.
And first in TeChase, eh? Nice. What was the answer to the Blowfish one?

Maria Knows said...

Isn't the conventional line- "Once bitten, twice shy"?? Or did my overburdened (and currently fatigued) mind fail to register a quirk?

Anonymous said...

@lefty
Ah yes, I heard about it. Seriously, the Small B is turning out to be a disgrace to my name.

Blowfish? Wasn't that the one with a key and some coded thing? The answer was 'electrical'. Don't ask me to explain. Highly arbit funda, as always.

@amrika
Oh yes, Mom mentioned it too. My bad.

Anonymous said...

Two totally contradictory statements.

1. I hate typical Bollywood masala movies.

2. (Here we go!) I am a huge SRK fan.

But, then, isn't the whole hotch-potch crap meted out to us by our brilliant film industry supposed to be part of the whole "Bollywood" experience. I guess that's why I'm an SRK fan- 'cause I've too many of his movies in a theatre , which is a totally different scenario compared to a hostel room, I guess.

P.S.- I love long illogical comments.

P.P.S.- JBJ sucked big-time.

Anonymous said...

Good Da(it's a nice way to nick your nickname)...keep up the earnings. Pulp Fiction is not a movie to be pondered on. If you want to do that, read Catcher in the Rye. It takes 3 days to sink in. Till then, you think the book is crap.

Anonymous said...

@murthy
First you find ekta kapoor hot and now this. Man, you're a disgrace to litta.

And about the theatre 'experience', try watching the first-show of a Superstar movie at this place in chennai called Albert. Nothing even comes close. Where else in the world can you find action-replays of fight scenes, re-runs of all punch dialogues ("6 ku apparam 7 da, sivaji ku apparam yevan da?") and an audience that spends a good hour-and-a-half of the total three hour duration whistling?

Anonymous said...

@rapu
I sense the sarcasm. The nouveau riche belittling the less-fortunate, eh? We'll catch up next cogni, wait and watch.

The Bulk gave me a complketely contradictory review. Anyhoo, I'll read it for myself now that I am stuck in my room for a month.

Anonymous said...

@dela
Talk about gratitude! Damn it, no one believes in sincere statements now days. And 'Catcher in the Rye' is for those with loads of time on their hands, i.e. not for the likes of the Bulk. I believe you'll make me more proud.

And as for the publicity.....I am reading your blog, you know? And I charge 42 bucks (in USD- note I still go by the old exchange rate of 42 rupees to 1 USD) per comment containing your URL.

Anonymous said...

@rapu
I'm halfway through 'the Catcher in the Rye'. It's been quite ordinary so far. Then again, you told me that it'd take me a couple of days to sink in, right?

42 bucks, yeah right. As much as I love the divine number, this is outrageous. Especially considering the fact that you cheapskates haven't given us our due share of the 20k yet (through chaapos, I mean)

Anonymous said...

Lit does not give parties or treats. Let me put it this way-
1. Though shalt not irk thy seniors for gastronomic satisfaction.
2. Though shalt not covet that which is rightfully another's.
3. Though shalt not cede to the base demands of other's stomachs.
4(2). Though shalt not doubt the divinity of the number four tens and two any more than you doubt the divinity of the number seven or the evil of the number six hundred and sixty six.

P.S. Remove the link to my 'blog'.